welcome to king's landing, a city of kings and whoreswhere anything can happen. yes, quite right. do be careful, 'cause shit's about to get real. ho…. well, i'm the fuckin' king robert baratheon, wrathful and nasty
Maroon And White Game 2013, when i drop the fuckin' hammer, invade like a pathogen now gimme three whores, so i can smack that ass again and build a bigger orphanage to put all my bastards in. my wife's a brother-fucker and a straight-up bitch
who gave me three blonde shits, but her daddy is rich wine! all this arse-lickin''s makin' me sick i thank the gods that a boar put a tusk through my pancreas. cersei: i gestated my bro's dna tyrion: not mine. cersei: …thought my inbred kids were okay cersei: …but i'm afraid that… tyrion & ned: joffrey is a half-wit, demented, sadistic piece of shit. joffrey: you better say that i'm the king or i'll chop off your head i'll put your genitals in the genital jar i keep in a drawer beside my bed
sansa: your grace. joffrey: yes, give her a gift, hit her in the face. joffrey: women are so weak and weary bring her back when she has her period. burn the traitors, crush the north, kill the babies, fuck the poor, i'm so bored with cutting out tongues, but i'm gettin' it done, mutilating whores margaery: is this yours? joffrey: yes, it is. margaery: talk about killing. i love that shit. stabbing, hacking, blood and guts joffrey: hold on--i'm about to jizz. varys: sadly, i cannot. pycelle: no jizz, quite right. baelish: a sorcerer cut off your junk, we know. at least it wasn't your head. varys: poor ned stark. what will the north do? pycelle: my jizz is like baking soda.
varys: the stark bannermen? baelish: why are they so fucking happy? robb: yeah, yeah! we fight for independence, it's a glorious day 'cause i married for love, and it's cool with the freys yeah, we're heading to a wedding, gonna party today and i'm gonna be a dad?! god, everything's great! catelyn: winter is coming. robb: so we'll hang out inside! catelyn: but winterfell burned down, robb robb: look on the bright side. lemme hear my starks: are we doin' alright? bran: father's dead, we're homeless, and i'm crippled for life. rickon: i'm hungry. arya: i'm alone in the middle of a war. sansa: i love the gay boy, but i married the dwarf.
robb: see that's what i'm talkin' 'bout, we're havin' a ball lysa: i'm gonna breastfeed robin 'til my breasts fall off. robb: brienne, how's it going with the kingslayer? brienne: rapists have me and i'm fighting a bear! robb: cool! how's it hangin', theon? theon: really bad! arya: i met a lady who had demons in her vag! everybody: we are the north side, ey! doin' it our own way! robb: hey, it's my boy, jon snow! what up jon? samwell: um, hullo. we've got a bit of a problem at the wall.it's… it's a bit nippy… and… jon snow: there's fuckin' whitewalkers!
shit’s crazy, i'm freezin' to death with thieves and rapers, had to swear off sex if i could take it back, i'd take the black shove it up craster's ass, but it's too late for that, with zombies surgin' south. samwell tarly: i'm out. jon snow: i'm gonna die a virgin now, but wo-day, they was a wild woman took me into a cave, got undressed samwell tarly: you saw breasts? jon snow: yeah, and we had….cave sex!!!! samwell tarly: cave sex? jon snow: yeah, cave sex!!!! samwell tarly: you knew where to put it! jon snow: oh, cave sex!!!! samwell tarly: i forgot to send the ravens jon snow: i'm havin' cave sex!!!! samwell tarly: cave sex!
varys: seven hells robb: who is that? robert baratheon: it's the targaryen girl joffrey: sound the alarms! robert baratheon: she's come to take back the seven kingdoms. robb: well, it's more like six kingdoms now joffrey: hide me with the children! robb: …y'know since we seceded. joffrey: i'm pooping! robb: she should take the other six. why not? robert baratheon: shut up joffrey, you weird little shit! daenerys: i got dragons, bitch. i started out with nothin' but a shitty older brother in a pentos penthouse, i got pimped out to a dothraki warlord with a horde full of slave-takin' thugs, fuckin' like dogs in public.
queen of the savages, got three dragon eggs ate a horse heart, took it down, didn't throw up got knocked up, but i mistakenly traded in the fate of the baby, and put my hubby in a coma. smothered his ass, and built a funeral pyre, took the blood magic witch, burned the bitch alive, climbed in-side and fried eggs awhile from the ash came my naked ass and three reptiles. touchin' my kids? betta ask me i'm the "motha of dragons," pyat pree-- yeah, that freak. y’betta come at me with more than a manticore f'you wanna blast me. jorah: khaleesi daenerys: you got a dirty mouth yeah, you best sit down before i go to town with some valyrian, you 'bout to fear me when i turn and burn this mothafucka to the ground.
i'm stormborn, comin' out the flames kill the masters, free the slaves from qarth to braavos, and slaver's bay every bitch crackin' whips gonna know my name: jorah: khaleesi daenerys: send a raven to westeros 'cause i'm puttin' three dragons in a big-ass boat. you betta tell the usurpers that i'm comin' home to take back the realm and the iron throne...like a hound takes a bitch. happy birthday
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